Blade Pakikiri burst into Don Thangaraj’s house. He had something real serious to share it with his big boss.
Don Thangaraj, who is in his eighties now, still groggy from his sleep. With mouth full of kodukka-puli churanam, the local Ayurvedic cure for his dementia, burped twice to the disgust of Thamarai, his trusted sidekick. She noticed Pakkiri’s faster entry with her shrunken forehead like a Zomato delivery man.
“Boss, something real urgent is up!” Pakkiri declared.
“What the devil is it?” Don asked, his eyes still half closed.
Pakkiri looked at Thamarai in doubt. She, who was always on the look out, noded her approval to Pakkiri to go ahead.
“We saw a balloon.”
“Where. Near the Kali temple? Ya. There was a festival going on. Was it beautiful?” Don asked while he kept the water sembu at the floor.
“Boss. It is different. It is flying over our house and godown” Pakkiri exclaimed.
“Oh. probably one of my grandkids let it lose. Do you like balloons, Pakkiri? I’ll get something for your kids too.” Old don replied after goggled with remaining water, still not fully grasping the gravity of the situation.
Pakiri was losing his patience. Thamarai gestured him to wait.
Thamarai stepped in to explain “Boss, Pakkiri is talking about a spy balloon. It’s sent by one of our enemies to keep an eye on us.”
Don finally caught on, “I have many enemies, starting from Golmal Putinkumar to the two of you. Who sent it?”.
“Our boys say it is Rowdy Rangan. He is trying to spy on us and take over our business,” Pakkiri replied.
***
Rowdy Rangan, the troublemaker from Sulurpetta, had always been a thorn in Don’s side. Despite warnings from Pakkiri and Thamarai, Don still saw him as a competitor, not an enemy.
Rangan used this opportunity to learn all of Don’s tricks, like puncturing enemies’ bikes (for adult customers) and splashing ink on their shirts (for kids customers), which eventually became world-famous, with even Arvind Kejriwal falling victim to the ink attack, as reported by the Kissness Times daily.
Rangan started offering the same services at a lower price, which was well-received by many, especially school kids, who lined up every day to pay just ₹2 to splash ink on their bullies. Not only that, he offered 10% educational discount to school kids.
Meanwhile, Don Thangaraj was still charging ₹20 for the same services. Rangan started puncturing bikes, cars, and even airplane tires, all at a much lower price than Don’s, making him the favorite crime partner of northern Tamil Nadu and southern Andhra Pradesh. All these created dents in Thangaraj’s income.
***
By this time Pakkiri and Thamarai finished one sembu full of water, before explaining the risk to Don. Thangaraj understood the risk of the balloon from Pakkiri properly at last. He stood up and went away near the fence. It was a beautiful live fencing of castor plants. Pakkiri and Thamarai thought he was angry and he was about to issue orders to shoot the balloon. But Don blew his nose twice and cleaned himself with his towel.
“Boss, say something.” Thamarai pleaded.
“Why don’t we just pop it with a gundu pin?” Thangaraj suggested.
Pakkiri was disappointed like the investors who bought Zomato shares in IPO.
“Don, it is floating in the sky. How are you going to reach it with a gundu pin?” Pakkiri was scrubbing his cheeks and losing cool.
“Can’t reach there with a Catapult?” exclaimed Don without bothering about Pakkiri’s staring at him.
“Fine, fine. You two do this. Pakkiri, call Rangan’s guy and see if he sent the balloon. Thamarai, call his girl and check as well. I’ll plan my revenge later,” Thangaraj instructed before hopping into his oil bath.
***
“Next day, in Rangan’s courtyard, Rangan’s sidekick, Dumeel-Kuppam Vavvalu, got a call.
“It’s Blade Pakkiri from Don’s Gang speaking.”
“And I am Vavvalu from the Future Don’s Gang,” replied Vavvalu.
“We’ll see if you’ll be the future or the past soon. I want to clarify something with you. Are you the ones flying those spy balloons over our house and godowns?” Pakkiri asked.
Rowdy Rangan, who was listening in on speaker phone, shook his head up and down to signal to Vavvalu.
“Yes da. It’s ours. We are the bosses. Is it only you, have the permission to create chaos or what? Times have changed, it’s our time now,” Vavvalu roared back to Pakkiri.
And with that, the call was disconnected!
***
Another hot line rang on the other side.
Rangan’s assistant Revolver Reta attended the phone and switched on the speaker.
“Hello. Thamarai here.”
“Hai there Thamarai, I am Reta. Revolver Reta answering the call for you!”
“Well. I don’t care you are fan of revolver or kittipul. I just want to know if you fly Baloon above our grounds.”
Reta looked at Rangan. He signaled at her by turning his head left and right this time.
Reta tried to sound convincing, “Thamarai Akka, listen here! The balloon is ours, I promise. We only used it to inspect the potholes in the newly laid Chennai corporation road. Our junior rowdys met with some accident daily because of those holes. How a new road has holes on a single night, we do not know, akka. You know the stenchy Marina beach.. ah.. yes.. the same beach only.. You will find many samadhi-s over there.. The evening sea breeze from there, just carried it away from Sulurpetta all the way to North Chennai. Please forgive us and return our balloon, okay?”
***
The next day, Don Thangaraj was lounging in his favorite chair in the courtyard. Pakkiri was chilling on the Thinnai, and Thamarai was hanging out by a pillar nearby.
Rangan’s plan had worked like how Nykaa boosted their share value by giving bonus out of nothing. Don was confused by the mixed messages from his opponent.
“Hey, no need to get all puzzled, Boss. Just give us the word and I’ll take care of it,” Pakkiri egged on Thangaraj.
“But if what she says is true, then we shouldn’t do that,” Thangaraj spoke in a gruff voice.
Pakkiri tried to convince his Boss “Listen, Boss, we’ve got a serious situation on our hands. Our reputation is taking a hit, and even the local toughs in Gummidipoondi and Meenjur are turning to the other side. I mean, just the other day, a school kid splattered ink on our guys! We can’t let this continue. I talked to Ponneri Balu, one of our most staunch supporters, and even he’s wavering. We need to take action, boss, before it’s too late.”.
The old Don Thangaraj was looking at him indecisively.
Thamarai added her two cents, “He’s been spying on us to find out the weapons we use to puncture airplane and spacecraft tires. He wants to build a replica and sell it to everyone. Our spies tell us he’s even trying to puncture your car wheels with his pins, to show that he has the capability to do so. You can’t let this continue, Boss. Our reputation is on the line.”
Pakkiri chimed in, “Exactly! We need to take back our power, Boss. Show everyone who the real boss is around here. We can’t let him play us like a puppet.”
Thangaraj sounds convincing “I can feel that. People in our surroundings talk a lot about him. I heard he offers tea and vadai, if someone talk good about him in local tea shops. More and more people start talking about him even in the corner shop for free tea and vadai.”
Thangaraj leaned back in his chair, deep in thought. He knew that the situation was serious and something had to be done.
Pakkiri wanted to highlight the expanding influence of Rangan inside their territory. He said “The tea shop owners offer them freebies. Because he gets money from Rowdy Ranga. You know what? the kissness times daily used to get money from us and talked nice about us. But that poor fellow went to Rangan’s camp. Rangan poured money, liquor and mall on him. He started his tone already. We should not allow that in our land, Boss”
At the time, somebody entered the courtyard.
The gatekeeper said, “Boss, he is the balloon seller. He manufactures the balloon too”. The old lion asked him “So you are the weapon supplier. Don’t you need permission to sell balloon in our area or not?”
The balloon trader cried like someone who bought PayTM shares, “I just want to make a living, sell my balloons in Kali Madha, Arokia Madha and Nagore Dargah and bring a little joy to people’s lives. I am secular. I support democracy. You are the dictator of democracy. I accept. but please don’t stop me from doing my business here.”
Thangaraj chuckled at the trader’s words, ‘dictator’ in particular, and patted his head. Pakkiri and Thamarai saw that their boss was back to his old self.
***
It was a day to remember! Pakkiri rallied up all the townspeople to the event location and made sure the media was on hand to capture the moment. With a swift shot from his trusty sniper, Pakkiri brought down the balloon with ease. Meanwhile, Thamarai chased after the balloon sellers and manufacturers. It was a mission accomplished!
The results of the operation were immediately evident, as Don Thangaraj’s reputation skyrocketed after the balloon incident. The media, including a private Tamil channel and the publication Kissing Times, declared that Thangaraj was truly a force to be reckoned with, now and forever known as the Billa.
***
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